Blog – Home-Repair “Nightmare” and the Secret Tenant

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To be honest, very little is nightmarish about the repairs we’re making to the bathroom. The buddy of mine who’s helping is scary efficient and competent, though he occasionally sings along with the radio which I’m attributing to that irresistable urge to sing while in the proximity of a shower.

The real horror show was the condition of the place before we started: spongy floor, tiles that stuck to your feet (i.e. not to the subfloor) and hidden terrors like load bearing walls with large gaps in the joists.

And one secret tenant.

We found a mummified rodent encased in the wall. It’s clearly not the remains of Poe’s Black Cat, which is good, I suppose for several reasons, one of which is that I rather like cats. I really can’t convince myself that it’s a rat – though again that would pump up the goth factor of the Ye Old Homestead a bit. It was, in fact, a squirrel – a kind of creature I have no spare love for – and in its current condition, it’s cool as hell. See for yourself:

So the stinger to this tale is what my daughter said when we broke the news to her.

Me: “Eric found something in the walls”

Grown daughter: “Was it a dead baby?”

It’s the chance exchange like this that reminds me she’s my kin, that there was no mix-up at the hospital, no abandoned basket on the doorstep. Where my first thought was a dead rat, like a nice and proper piece of Nosferatu set dressing, Dear Daughter’s imagination shot straight to an essential gothic plot device: a buried child.

Blog-Movie Stars are Shorter & Better Dressed

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The kind folks from Hollywood have come to our tiny ‘burg, this time to make a horror movie, namely Scream 4.

The kind folks from Hollywood have come to our tiny ‘burg, this time to make a horror movie, namely Scream 4. It’s not the first horror movie made in the environs and it’s not the first movie shot in Ann Arbor but it’s worth mentioning because I have a fair bit of affection for the Scream franchise. The Scream movies were a serious attempt to do horror in an era drenched with ironic self-referentiality. Irony creates distance and it’s tough to appreciate ironic layering and have the bejebes scared out of you at the same time. There are other approaches, like Rob Zombie’s loving pastiche of 70′s horror, a time when we could fear boogiemyn without smirking but the Scream movies were a serious attempt to create contemporary, “postmodern” fright.

Like a jump scare: I knew that “they” were among us again on some level but I was entirely unprepared last night when David Arquette burst from the doors of a local restaurant and nearly ran into me. I was so unprepared I didn’t have any succinct fanboy comment to offer.

First observation: he looked fantastic. He was wearing a reddish-purplish suit with a reddish-purplish shirt and a necktie that was pulled down rakishly. The ensemble made him look relaxed and informal, yet composed. You just can’t get clothes like that around here.

And he was short.

Much shorter than I expected. The camera adds 20 pounds and perhaps a good 5 inches or so.

I’ve had some time to think about it and I know what I wish I had said to him. So on the extremely slim chance that David Arquette is reading this blog – or for that matter any of the folks involved with the production – what I really want to say is that I hope you’re enjoying your stay in my town even half as much as I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent in your movies.

-J f L