(Female, 40’s) This is probably the saddest dream I’ve ever had, and I think it should count as a nightmare.
It was the end of the world. Everyone knew it– everything was shutting down. The government had fallen apart. There were no utilities– no lights or heat or water. There was chaos in the streets. There would soon be no food. It was like a war zone.
I was in my home with my husband and our two kids, our son and daughter– they were all a little younger than they are now. Somehow, earlier, for this situation, I had obtained from a pharmacy 4 suicide kits, and I had kept them until the last moment because we could either die together now or soon all die horrible deaths. We were all together in our living room, sitting on the floor, and I was busy doing what I always do– making sure everyone had what they needed, a drink of water, whatever. So I missed following the directions– there was a liquid to drink and then about 20 pills to swallow. My family members were already through the process when I was just starting. And I was confused– what do to first? But they were falling asleep in front of me, losing consciousness. They looked like they were peacefully asleep, but I knew they were each dead. And I wasn’t– not yet. It was so sad that they had all died without me.
I swallowed the liquid and the pills in some random order and waited. They were taking effect, but very slowly. I felt myself getting tired, and my arms and legs getting heavy. Some neighbors came in the house, looking for food. I told them, “Take whatever you want. We don’t need it. You can even have our house, if you want.” One of my neighbors had had cancer, I knew, and I thought how odd it was that she had outlived my healthy children. My veins felt tingly and I felt cold. I knew I just had to be patient and soon the drugs would take effect. I could hear people running and guns outside. I kept telling myself to relax. I just had to wait.