“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” is a common enough refrain among college students, web coders and maniacally-geeked Black Friday shoppers. If sleep is not an option and you’re feeling a little “undead,” you might consider this zombie-influenced energy drink, “Zombie Blast Energy Shot.” One appeared in the goody-bag from last weekend’s Indie Horror.TV anniversary party, and after momentarily trying to find a shotgun large enough to load it into, I realized that these cleverly packaged shotgun shells were precisely the thing I’d need to give me the quick energy I needed to…
… OK so I don’t know exactly what I need a five hour burst of energy for, to be honest. I suspect I’m not the target market for this product. The closest thing to an energy drink I’ve ever taken were the caffeine pills I took back when Reagan was in the White House. And I simply despise zombies both as a metaphor and a cultural product. But darned it, despite being a grouchy, undead-hating curmudgeon, I gotta say the packaging was pretty damned cool.
Our “Testing:” As one would expect from a shotgun shell, these are “shots,” quite a liberal dose too as shown here filling up two skull shaped shot glass (Your Skulls May Vary) Elsa wasn’t able to down hers so I took a double-barrel and drank the entire container. I can’t provide a nuanced taste test — are you even supposed to “taste” this stuff? There was a definite berry-like sensation as fitting for a self-proclaimed “Wild Berry” product. I can’t imagine sipping it and I really can’t imagine that mixing it with vodka would accomplish much more than prolong the somewhat artificial flavor. I bet no actual berries were harmed in the making of this product. However, I am noticing a pronounced “zip” in my activities this afternoon which normally on a Saturday afternoon would prominently feature a nap. Though I have no external verification, I find myself 37% more witty, 52% more handsome and pretty darned near 83% positive in mood. So far, no blurred vision, heart palpitations or spontaneous amputations.
Maybe I’ll save the other cartridge for the final hours before my next big writing deadline… or the zombie apocalypse, whichever comes first.
Zombie Blast Energy Shots are available through ThinkGeek, that purveyor of all things good and beautiful.
