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Nightmares

Nightmare #184 – The Bloody Drain

(Male, 30’s) Once I thought about this nightmare, it became rather obvious to me where it was coming from. My mother is undergoing chemotherapy right now and also for as long as I’ve known her, my mom has also tinted her hair with red hair dye. Still, that’s not exactly the same as what I dreamed which was highly disturbing.

I was getting ready to take a shower but the drain in the bathtub was sluggish. I un screwed the drain cap and discovered that it was clotted up with long strands of hair. I pulled out a big fist full of this hair. It was ally matted into each other and it was deep red. It pulled up even more hair from deeper in the drain so I pulled on that. This hair was sodden but not with water, rather with some liquid that was deep red, like arterial blood. Where ever this blood splashed it seemed to stain. The porcelain of the white tub was stained with this blood. I tried squeezing the mats of hair so there were be less staining but all I did was splash more around. There was splatters on an army green t-shirt that I used to have maybe 20 years ago and also on a pair of camoflage pants that I used to have around that time too. They had just come out of the washer and dryer and were neatly stacked on the floor next to the tub. The blood – no use calling it anything else, at this point it was blood – was spattering everywhere and still the drain was clogged. There was a huge pile of hair now, maybe a bushel basket full. But the deep red drops turned brown when they hit the drab green clothing. I looked at the shirt and the pants and tried to tell myself “Yeah, I could still wear those. Nobody would notice.” All while I’m up to my elbows in gore and human hair.

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Nightmares

Nightmare #183 – The Drowning Tower

(Male, 30’s) Strange dream. It wasn’t exactly a nightmare until the very end.

I was entirely submerged in the long tower that was completely filled with water. The tower was probably four foot in diameter and made of brick. It felt sort of like a chimney, except of course it was filled with water. It wasn’t cold and I was able to float up and down the height of the tower pretty effortlessly. I was also able to breath somehow, not like through breathing gear but more like I could just breath water, like it wasn’t any thing strange.

Then there were items that fell down the tower and landed on the surface of the water. Everything floated for some reason. I remember there being books and shirts, t-shirts and button down shirts, and at least one pair of jeans… I thought that maybe I should investigate what else was up there because for one thing I wasn’t wearing any clothes and maybe some of these clothes might fit me. So I swam to the top of the tower and reached my hands up into all the stuff that had fallen on the water surface.

Then I felt things crawling on my hands and arms. The bony, claw-like fingers of a rat, of several rats. There were rats mixed in with all the stuff. And somehow I now was trapped. I couldn’t swim down to the bottom of the tower anymore. I was trapped up at the top with the rats.

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"What We Fear" Uncategorized

Nightmare #182 – Bugs Everywhere

(Male, 30’s) I’m not usually creeped out by insects in everyday life however…

In this dream, I was working at a brand new research facility. Incidentally, the building where I work is actually less than a year old too.) In the dream, everything in this new place was white and all the lights were extremely bright, either from sunlight or from overhead lights. There was just the faintest pattern on the floor, linoleum tile in very light gray and white checkerboard pattern. What all this white helped reveal was that we had a pretty significant problem with cockroaches. Whenever I’d open a cupboard, easily a dozen of the little things would fall out from the shelves almost like a black liquid spilling to the floor where they’d reform into a coherent mass and then run into some nook or cranny. It happened all the time, all day long. They’d appear from the cupboards, the drawers, the desk… everywhere. They were clearly not just an isolated group of bugs, rather we were infested.

I had gotten to the point where the puddles of black roaches almost — ALMOST — didn’t shock me or bother me when my boss in the dream insisted that a female co-worker and myself needed to canvas the neighborhood and find out who was sending us all these roaches. Yes, there was very definitely the sense in my boss’ mind that these bugs were somehow some kind of sabotage or something. So this co-worker and myself stop doing all of the work that WE have to do and go off on this pointless road show. We’re touring all the factories in the area and giving the same lecture. The factories are these ancient monstrosities, red brick with tiny windows very very high up that makes the work floors dark and makes them feel like they’re sunk deep into the ground. They were like factory buildings out of Charles Dickens’ time.

So we’re at one of these factories and it’s my turn to give the talk about roaches and if anyone sees any to let us know. The podium to address all the workers is about ten feet tall and made from soft red clay bricks. I climb to the top of the podium and at this instant I can see myself from the perspective of the crowd. I’m up there talking about roaches… when in fact the ENTIRE FLOOR of this factory is a mass of roaches, running here and there. It’s almost like a carpet or a field where the stalks of grain are all just black and are being blown back and forth by the wind. The roaches are running over the toes of people’s work boots and over the toes of my co-worker’s shoes but no one seems to mind. Do I have to point out that since I was now watching the speech from the perspective of the audience that these bugs were crawling over ME as well? I tried not to lift my feet because I could just imagine them crawling up my pant legs. But I did move my feet a little and it felt like I was stuck in molasses or scorched motor oil. Sticky. Black. There was absolutely no possibility that I could run away.

When I reach the part of my speech where I’m explaining that we’re concerned about the roaches, all of the bugs stop and prick up their antennae like they’re listening. Then they all start pouring, literally as if they were a shiny black liquid, they start pouring down this brass drain in the floor. For some reason, I had the sense that they were all heading for our brand new facility, that they were going to flood the place. Our speech wasn’t successful; our boss was going to be very upset.

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"What We Fear" Movies

Movies: Mist Monsters!

Lovely work here. These are clips of a sea monster projected on water mist. Very, very effective even with Youtube video quality. Sony created the beast to promote the movie “Water Horse: Legend of the Deep” though honestly, to my eyes, the promotion looks WA-A-Y cooler than the movie. Am I the only one who things something like this should have been done for “Cloverfield?”

Mist Monster in Tokyo Harbor

Tokyo News Report on the Mist Monster

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Nightmares

Nightmare #181 – The Dog Faced Slasher

(Male, 40’s) I haven’t seen a slasher movie for years but this nightmare was just like a bad slasher movie. It was night time and I was in an unfamiliar area, a farm. There was a barn, an old farmhouse, fruit trees, tractors in the yard. I think I was there with a bunch of friends or at least people I knew. We had the sense that there was something else around us somewhere but we all went along doing our normal everyday tasks, sort of relaxing since it wasn’t our farm and we didn’t have to do the work. But as I walked around, I would come across these acquaintances either tied up or taped up with packing tape. They were alive and well but no one could really explain how they got all tied up. I would help them out and then we’d go our separate ways… and then pretty soon I’d come across someone ELSE who was all bound up. It was starting to freak me out, like someone could come up on me while I was trying to undo someone. Then I came across two women, one blond one brunette and they were taped to the seats of this two seat tractor. Nope doesn’t make much sense. I started trying to take the tape off the blond woman and there was this look of absolute terror in her eyes, like she was seeing something over my shoulder. I turned around and there was the weirdest looking slasher I’d ever seen. He himself was all wrapped with clear packing tape. His face was elongated and it looked like he had a dog-shaped nose. His arms were taped straight with these long sticks and at the end of them was a long-handled rose bush shear. They were sharp and nasty looking. The only way he could work these shears though was by jerking his whole arm to snap them closed. He looked seriously deranged, powerful, perhaps not entirely human. It seemed that he wanted to use the shears to cut off the heads of one of the women. Or, honestly, maybe he was going to cut them free. I wasn’t entirely clear about his motivations or for that matter his ability to carry out his motivations either for good or for evil. One thing I knew though was that I was standing in between him and the two women. At that point, I woke up.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #180 – Housesitting

(Male 30’s) This wasn’t so much a nightmare as a really strange dream. Then again, maybe it was a nightmare. I dreamed that my therapist asked me to house-sit her apartment. I know, I know. There’s absolutely no way that this would happen in real life but I didn’t think anything of it in the dream. So she evidently leaves and I stop by and I’m not really certain what I’m supposed to do. It’s a small apartment, basically a large one bedroom with a kitchen at one end and a living area at the other. It’s very stylish though. She’s got this huge floor to ceiling bookcase though, and it’s absolutely filled with DVDs. I had to chuckle because whenever I bring up a movie, she always makes me explain what I mean. She’s got all the classics: Casablanca, Citizen Cane… But then she’s also got a whole shelf full of horror movies. And by horror, I mean those nasty torture / slasher movies that seemed so popular a couple years ago. For instance, she had like THREE copies of “The Toolbox Murders.” These weren’t classics and they weren’t even very good horror movies. They were the kind of movies watched by folks who like watching grisly, twisted violence. I tried to tell myself that it must just be a professional interest or something. But seeing those, it felt funny at first and then a little sickening and then I was rather scared, like I should really be getting out of there.

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Nightmares

Nightmare #179 – Tough Neighborhood

(Male, 40’s) I haven’t had many dreams recently so that’s what makes this one stand out so strongly. I’m riding a bike and it at least starts in my old neighborhood, the one where I grew up as a kid. Just down the street from where I lived, two different sets of people have moved out and have left stuff they didn’t want by the street. One is just furniture but the other one has a bunch of really cool toys and models. Several of the toys are themed after Scooby-Doo and a couple of the models are monster-related. The trouble is that all the goodies are stacked in a pile, maybe 25 or 30 feet tall. I find a stick and am able to knock down the stuff I want. But now I have to carry it on my bicycle.
And things change, pretty quickly. I’m still on my bike but I have NO idea where I am. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not the same city. (I suspect it might be the city where my Grandmother lived, a pretty tough place.) It’s winter, or at least there’s snow on the ground. I’m trying to pedal the bike even though I’m still carrying all this stuff. I can barely keep it upright. Most important is that I’m lost. I think that if I just start going around in a systematic way up and down the streets, I’ll eventually find someplace that looks familiar. The whole first street I drive down is abandoned which is a little creepy. But the whole second street is worse. There are lots and lots of people, just standing on the sidewalk and on the street. It’s hard for me to keep the bike balanced let alone to ride around them. And stranger still, about a third of these folks are “short people” that’s what they’re called, right? It feels like a very bad music video. The short people in particular seem to have it in for me. They’re waving metal sticks around over their heads, trying to hit me as a ride by. Eventually I realize that I can’t pretend they’re NOT trying to hit me and I try seriously to ride away. That’s when one of these large “bouncer” type guys starts to run me down. He keeps blocking me in, forcing me off the road. I just know I’m going to be beaten up and robbed if I fall off the bike. Last thing I remember, I’m teetering toward the side of the road with the big guy close to me, trying to knock me over.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #178 – Abandoned on the Bus

(Male, 30’s) This has been a re-current nightmare of mine since I was a kid. I would be on a long bus-ride with my Mom. It’s always just my Mom even though there are five people in my family. It’s a long bus ride so at some point we have to get off just long enough to eat a meal or something. Thing is, my Mom gets off but I get stuck on the bus. It rumbles out of the station and I’m trapped heading onto my next destination. Recently, the dream has changed to where I actually go to the next stop and get off there but that’s no less scary.
It’s a simple dream but it’s still meant that I hate buses. There’s a bus that runs straight to Chicago that my buddies always want to take but there’s no way I’d ride that. Even when I have to take a city bus, I ride right near the door so I can’t be left on there.

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Halloween Movies

Movies: Slick Claymation Zombies

Stop motion animation of any kind is a labor of love. Sure, computers have made some aspects slightly less tedious but the technique still involves taking hundreds of pictures and moving figures thousands of times. So even on a merely technical level this short claymation video is impressive.

But also consider the sheer quantity of gore in this clip. It would be impossible or at least highly cost prohibitive in most other kinds of video. The storyline too is fine. The same producer made earlier pieces that are much rougher.

Part One

Part Two

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #176 – The Stone Vampires

(Male, 40’s) Despite the fact that this nightmare was about vampires, the overall feel I had was frustration more than fear. I was a member of a team of about 5 professionals who were looking over a building with the perspective of renting it or buying it. It was a standard building by which I mean a generic office space without cubicles. And it was completely windowless. Sound like the office where you work?

The weird thing was that the place had about a half dozen life-sized marble statues. As we sort of wandered the space, these statues would quickly turn into flesh and blood, living (or I guess non-living) vampires, attack one of our group, then change back to a statue. We’d rush over and would notice the mutilated corpse and not realize that the statue had anything to do with it. This happened over and over but no one listened when I suggested “Hey, maybe we should get out of here.” Then I actually *saw* one of the attacks but again, no one was much concerned. It was down to me and the Boss, who incidentally looked like Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. One of the statues changed and tried to attack him but he was able to hold it at an arm’s distance and do something to it to kill it. Now the trick became trying to kill the vampires when they changed but obviously before they changed back to stone which was much harder.

At one point there were two vampires attacking me — it probably doesn’t matter but they were female vampires with flowing glittery skirts, like they were nightclub vampires — and the only thing they could grab onto was one of my fingers which I kept them from biting, though I must confess I was getting pretty tired of being human at that point with all the drudgery of office work, the stupidity of my co-workers and the arrogance of my boss. But we defeated the vampires that were in the main room of the office.

My dream ended when I opened the double doors of a closet and there were two more, female vampires.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #175 – Creatures in the Basement

(Male, 30’s) I sent you a nightmare a ways back that felt like this dream or at least I think I did.

It was a weekend and I was trying to avoid seeing my Mother who at least in the nightmare was a nagging hypochondriac. So me and a buddy get in the car and drive up to visit my Grandmother. This is creepy thing number one because my Grandmother is dead.

We get there and Gramma welcomes us in but there is strangely very little furniture in the house. Then there’s a knock at the door and Gramma tells us we have to hide in the basement and not make much noise. At the door are a couple of my aunts and uncles as well as my mother. They’d gone out on a singing excursion, sort of showing up places and singing songs, kind of like Christmas carolers except it wasn’t winter and they weren’t singing carols.

My buddy and I go down to the basement and Gramma locks us in. It is dark but we can still see quite a bit from the light coming in by the side windows. The walls are a rotting brick, red brick that’s powdering away to dust. The basement also feels MUCH larger than the house above. We hear something skitter across the concrete. We investigate. There is this huge cut of beef, already roasted, like the kind you sometimes see at fancy buffets but this huge roast is just sitting on the floor of this filthy basement. It is all dried out and what’s weird is that it’s been nibbled and chewed at. I tell my friend that we need to get out of here. We slowly move back to the stairs when we hear more skittering. I bend down close to the ground to look under neath the random pieces of furniture. I see at least three creatures, a squirrel, a ground hog and a cat. All are extremely ragged and mangy. Their fur is grey blotched with white. For some reason, I know they’re cannibals maybe because they’ve been eating the dried beef.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #174 – Co-worker’s Dogs

(Male, 30’s) I’ve recently been transferred at work from one building to another and I have to say I’m pretty happy I don’t have to deal with a particular woman at the other location anymore. She was one of those people who can’t stop talking and furthermore, who only talk on and on about themselves. I think she may have liked me because my sense was that she gravitated to me especially.

In the dream, I had gone back to the old location for some reason. I think it was just to say hi to my co-workers. I looked down this long corridor and I saw this talkative woman. She waved at me enthusiastically. She had beside her two very large dogs. I think they were terriers. I waved back to be polite and when the dogs saw me, they took off running down this long corridor toward me. I’m not a “dog person” in life that is I don’t have a dog but I like dogs. When these large creatures bounded down to me, I wasn’t afraid, even though they were barking. Some dogs do that when they’re glad to see someone. I started petting one of them and someone said, “Oh you shouldn’t have started to pet it. That just makes ’em angry.” The next thing I knew the dog had literally swallowed my entire left hand right up to the wrist. The other dog bit onto my arm a little higher up. I started to panic. It wasn’t so much because it hurt because it didn’t really hurt. Rather, I was trapped, held in place by these large dogs. I looked down the hallway for the woman to see if she was going to, well, call off the dogs. And she was gone. For that matter, there was no one anywhere. I didn’t want to cry out but I was really getting scared. I didn’t know what the dogs were going to do to me next.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #173 – Scheming Aliens and a Giant Monster

(Male, 30’s) I’m embarrassed to tell you this one because it’s so over the top grade-B horror movie but in this dream the Earth had been visited by aliens. Nothing scary at all about the aliens. They were were about three feet tall, greenish, humanoid and wore these big oval hats. They were like the perfect 1950’s era alien. These aliens were very friendly. They’d watched our TV and listened to our radio for decades and instead of talking to presidents and prime ministers they just wanted to be on Oprah. And they were. The aliens were the talk of the town all around the world. They were on the front cover of People Magazine, even though of course they weren’t “people” at all in the strictest sense. Everyone loved ’em.

But of course that was all a diversion. While everyone was paying attention to what nightclub the aliens preferred, there were other aliens who were assembling a giant monster. Each one of the fleet of alien spaceships had carried a different part of this huge monster. Evidently I was the only person to discover this fact. When the dream got scary, I was about 20 feet from one of their space ships. It was a classic “flying saucer” shape, by the way, metallic silver. I don’t know what I was doing there, probably trying to get an autograph or something stupid. There was a large gangway extending out from the saucer. One of the alien started walking very slowly down the gangway. It was leading something on a tether. Gradually more and more of the thing was revealed. It was an immense hand that was “walking” by its fingers dragging its palm and wrist behind it. The hand was shaggy, covered with some kind of dark greenish-brown fur — it might have been moss. Their plan became clear to me. The aliens were going to assemble this monster, maybe breed a whole army of them and take over the world. I had to warn someone but I was standing just a little way from the spaceship, there was an alien standing right there looking straight at me and it had with it the power to crush me utterly.

Categories
Art papercraft

Papercraft – Slick Vampires and Monster Portraits

\"Medusa\" by Etsy artist Goobeetsa

I thought my eyes were wrung out and weary of smooth, digital illustration but perhaps I was only irritated that so much of it fixates on happy-puppy subject matter. Check out these pieces by Etsy.com artist Goobeetsa. The Medusa is my favorite of the “Spooky” portraits but my heart truly belongs to the Dracula paper puppets. Hours of fun on a rainy afternoon, I tell ya. And reasonably priced.

Dracula puppets by Etsy.com artist Goobeetsa
Dracula puppets by Etsy.com artist Goobeetsa
Categories
"What We Fear"

Real Fear – “I’m Not Dead Yet!”

This cheery little news bit from the BBC reports that persons in at least FIVE British hospitals have been wrongly certified as dead. We’re not talking about Victorian England; one of these cases dates from 1996. I’m tempted to make a series of t-shirts and buttons with the warning “Are you really SURE I’m not dead?” As long as I can market this fear as a real and present threat, I’m sure to make a mint.

I know we have all sorts of things to worry about these days and there are claims made that those things are more important than, say, finding factual verification for premises from Edgar Allan Poe stories. But honestly, isn’t the idea of being mistaken for a dead person, well, at least a rather novel fear?

The BBC Report from 25 May, 2008 about Living People Mistaken for Dead Ones

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #172 – The Interrupted Murder

(Male, 40’s) This nightmare made me sick to my stomach when I was in the dream, when I woke from it and again now when I’m trying to write it down. It’s the worst nightmare I’ve had maybe ever.

It was a sunny afternoon and my wife and I were feeling like taking a ride in the country. One of us said “Let’s stop in on old JH. We haven’t seen him in years.” That part is true. We’ve been friends with JH for years but we only seem to see him every few months at really accidental moments. JH in both the dream and in real life lives out in the country so we though it’d be a fun little drive. In the dream, JH didn’t have a phone so we couldn’t call to let him know we were coming and since it was all so impromptu and carefree, we didn’t really mind if he wasn’t there when we showed up. Besides, we knew that JH’s wife had left him and we thought he might use some company. After a nice ride in the sun and fresh breeze, we pulled down the long gravel driveway to JH’s house which in the dream was really very small, nothing more than a four room shack, water stained and disheveled. We stopped in the driveway and there was an extremely odd feeling about the place, a deathly quiet. My wife didn’t think we should go in.

What we discovered is that JH had just that instant finished a murder spree. He still had a bloody hammer in his hand and his whole arm was drenched in gore. He had killed his youngest son while he was strapped in a high chair, his older son who was probably 3 or 4 and his wheelchair-bound mother. The bloodshed everywhere was unspeakable, nauseating. JH had a dazed look on his face, a numb, dead expression like he wasn’t at home in his head anymore. When we knocked on the screen door, he was just about to take his shotgun and kill himself. He had it all loaded and sitting ready on a cardboard table. He looked at us with total uncomprehension of who we were or what we were doing there. We didn’t know either. The silence was horrifically awkward, an aching, wrenching discomfort. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if he was about to kill us. I didn’t know if I should try to call the police or whether I should just let him kill himself, whether that would just be the easiest thing for everyone concerned.

And it was in that stifled instant of indecision, of terror that I woke unable to breathe.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #157 – The Wolfman’s Typewriter

(Male, 40’s) It’s funny how I can see parts of my day reflected in this nightmare but all twisted and strange. I actually DID have a conversation with someone about typewriters

In the nightmare, a kid comes up to me – teenaged, maybe a bit older – and asks if I know where he could get a typewriter fixed. He’s all distraught because he barely knows how to work a typewriter let alone about anyplace that would fix one. I took one look at the thing and I could tell for some reason that it was haunted, that bad luck was going to befall whoever held onto that typewriter. I thought the best thing I could do for the kid would be to take the typewriter off his hands. The kid seems very relieved but if he knew it was haunted, he sure didn’t tell me.

I got in my car which was parked at the top of a long winding road. The car wouldn’t start but I figured that wouldn’t be too much of a problem because I could slip it into neutral, roll down the hill and likely coast to the typewriter repair store. It was that close. So I start rolling down the hill and the car stops abruptly right at the bottom. Rats. I have to get out and carry the typewriter up the street. When I get to the place that USED to have a typewriter repair shop, the shop has long gone out of business. It’s getting dark so I decide to take the typewriter home with me for safe keeping.

Around this time, it starts getting dark. It gets dark very fast so it is fully evening by the time I’m home. There is something following me in the bushes. I figured that if I just went into the house, the creature could simply follow me in so, in perfectly logical thinking, I climb up to the roof of my garage. I don’t really have a garage but this was one of those perfect suburban garages, white painted clapboards, asphalt shingles, the garage of my youth. From this vantage, I can’t see anything down there though I know it didn’t go away.

My wife sees me on the garage and joins me on the roof. She seems to think this whole business is pretty silly. I don’t really understand why or how, but my wife grabs me by the arm starts swinging me off the edge of the roof. Perhaps she was trying to lure out the creature because that’s exactly what happens. A long and lanky monster walks out, with the proportions of a man walking on all fours but covered with black dog hair. The creature jumps after me trying to claw and scrape me. I try to explain to my wife that this is probably not the best thing to be doing but right about then, I wake up.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #156 – The Drowned Cat

(Male, 30’s) I don’t have a cat, or any pets for that matter but there’s a cat in the neighborhood who’s been very friendly to me for the last year or so. Maybe that’s where the dream comes from.

In the nightmare, I’m living in a small apartment and I have a pet kitten. The kitten is orange striped and very friendly. It follows me from room too room. I’m in the bathroom, either washing my hands or cleaning the basin and the kitten is walking around the seat on the toilet. Then before I know what is happening, the kitten loses its balance (?) and falls INTO the toilet. There’s not much water in there but she has been pulled almost entirely down the drain. I can just barely see her head looking up at me under the water. She looks so scared. I am terrified too because I don’t know what to do. I yell to other people in the apartment and my dad comes in. We look down at this poor drowning kitten and don’t know what to do. Finally I reach down and try to grab her. There is nothing to grab onto really so I pinch onto her ear and tug her upward. As soon as her shoulders clear the edge of the drain she is able to use her legs to crawl out by herself which she does very quickly. I don’t know why this nightmare was so scary other than it being an emergency situation where I had absolutely no idea how to act.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #155 – Lost Traveler

(Male, 20’s) I’m taking a new job next week that will involve a bit of traveling so, I supposed once you know that this dream is pretty obviously that naked-in-a-public-place anxiety dream. Still it’s a bit freaky.

In this nightmare, I’m in an airport somewhere carrying two suitcases. It’s bright afternoon. The first thing that I notice is that the suitcases are extremely light. I open up one and discover it’s entirely empty. I open up the other one and it’s empty too. And then I look around me and I have no idea what city I’m in or where I’m heading, whether I’m arriving or heading out or for that matter exactly what I’m doing there. Weird.

Categories
Nightmares

Nightmare #154 – Loaning the Car

(Female, 50’s) This is one of those weird dreams that are really hilarious when you try to explain it to someone but that probably mean some kind of strange buried anxiety.

In the dream, my son’s fiancé has borrowed my car for the afternoon. She comes back and enters the house and she looks exasperated. I asked her “How’d everything go?”

She said “There was a little problem. It’s just easier if you look.” So she leads me outside. The car is parked in the driveway. The driver’s side door is completely bent backwards on its hinge. Honestly, I didn’t know how it was still attached. But the roof was even more remarkable. The metal of the roof had been rolled back in a spiral like it was an opened sardine can.

I said “That doesn’t look like a little problem.”

And my son’s fiancé replied “That’s what I thought!”