Category: Christmas

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Book Christmas Weird and wonderful gifts

Weird and Wonderful Gifts: Books and eBooks from ChiZine Publications

Chizine Sale

If books and ebooks are on your gift lists, hurry over to ChiZine Publications where a Black Friday Sale continues until Monday. With an 80% discount off of ebooks, this is a great opportunity to snap up some gifts for the horror fans in your life– or for yourself. You’ll also find substantial savings on print publications as well.

ChiZine has a wide selection of titles in their catalog including novels, collections and their ChiTeen lines. The Doktor and I were both highly impressed with David Nickle’s The Geisters (2013), which is one of those books we still talking about. We also enjoyed Joey Comeau’s The Summer is Ended and We are not Yet Saved (2013). We picked up several other titles from ChiZine during a summer visit to Bakka Books in Toronto. On our bedside reading tables include other ChiZine books from Gemma Files, Laird Barron and David Nickle.

Now is the time to stuff someone’s stocking, real or digital, while this Chizine sale lasts.

Categories
Christmas Food Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers Halloween Party

Horrific Snacks: Skull Cakes

SugarSkullbananaNutHeadTonight, the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers gather for an evening of crappy holiday-themed horror movies. We mock, chat… and snack. Last year, I brought a cheese ball shaped (more or less) like HellRaiser’s Pinhead and Elsa brought a pan of severed fingers that tasted oddly like pigs in a blanket. For this year’s party, Elsa and I whipped up a couple skull cakes. Skull Cakes? I grabbed the last two skull pans at Williams-Sonoma in the Hallowe’en sales. I put them both to good use and made two different kinds of skull: a Bone-White Sugar Skull and a Banana Nut Head.
Skullpan

Sugar Skull White Cake:
I should level with y’all: I hate white cake. It’s about the most boring dessert around IMHO, but when I thought skull cake, I thought bone-white so I opted for the palest pre-packaged white cake mix at the mega-mart. Honestly though, I didn’t think this through. It’s only the center of a white cake that is actually white; the outside is golden brown. To liven it up a bit, I decided to douse it with a bit of “holiday cheer” and decorate it like a Day of the Dead sugar skull. Still, it was just a white cake…

skullingredients2



The Box Recipe called for three egg whites, 1/3 cup of cooking oil and 1 & 1/4 cups of water. (Note to self: next time experiment substituting white rum instead of the water.) The skull pan can produce a full skull but each half requires a box of mix. I didn’t really want to end up with that much white cake so I decided to make only the face. The next time, I wonder if some kind of jelly center could be baked into the skull for a gory surprise when serving.

Sugar Skull baking along side the Banana Nut Head... two heads are YUMMIER than one
Sugar Skull baking along side the Banana Nut Head… two heads are YUMMIER than one



Banana Nut Head
The Banana Nut Head used a recipe that Elsa’s family literally brought back from Bermuda more than three decades ago, possibly one crafted by a real witch-doctor… though more probably just one inscribed on a souvenir cutting board. Whatever its mysterious origins, Bermuda Banana Bread is a solid and easy recipe, one that’s made good use of our too-ripe bananas for years.

NutIngredient
The ingredients are added in this order: 1/2 cup butter, 1 cup sugar, three eggs, three or more bananas crushed, a teaspoon of baking soda dissolved in a little water, 2 cups of flour, and 1/4 cup of chopped nuts. Next mix until combined, and then bake at 350F for 40-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

The secret ingredient for “party” banana bread (as opposed to what we usually eat) was a 1/4 cup of brandy poured over the cooled head as it sat in a deep dish. Don’t let its comparatively plain appearance fool you; of the pair, this head smelled the most delicious.

Watch for more posts on future cranial culinary exploits. I don’t see the Skull Cake phenomena ever getting old!

Categories
Christmas Events

Happy Krampusnacht to You!

See page for author [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
from Wikimedia Commons

If you haven’t been informed: beware! Today is the day that St Nicholas and his mountain troll companion, Krampus, come to visit to the children. To the good little ones, St Nicholas gives gifts, but bad children are punished by Krampus. Depending on whose version of the tale we’re following, bad children are switched, carried away in his pack, chased, or simply frightened into being good.

If you’ve been reading the DailyNightmare, you’ll remember that we’ve discussed Krampus in the past. We reviewed Krampus: The Devil of Christmas, an historical art book here. We think so highly of Krampus that we ranked him as #2 among the best Christmas monsters ever.

In 2013 however, you might worry, as this Christian Science Monitor article implies, that Krampus is being too commercialized. To that we say, pshaw. Although there may be Krampus cards and Krampus-shaped chocolates, the tradition of a demon who punishes and scares us is at its core a frightening proposition that we don’t want watered down.

So whether you are celebrating Krampusnacht quietly at home, making a list of resolutions to do better from this point on or getting your dance party on at a local Krampus party (Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti have an annual Krampus gathering at the Corner Brewery), we wish you a Happy Krampusnacht!

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Christmas Movies

Movie: Cyriak 2012

Had enough of the Holidays yet? Does it ever feel like holiday cheer is drilling into your brain? Then this delicious little clip might be just whatcha need!

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Book Christmas

My Xmas Haul – 2012

xmas12
Christmas is simply a horrible time of the year for me personally, emotionally, even existentially. I survived this one by seeking solace underground to daub some paint and tinker with tools, emerging just long enough to behave monstrously. The expectations of Holiday Cheer plus the often disturbingly close proximity of loved ones rankles this mysanthropic recluse.

But the holiday was not without its joys. Like last year, a still life of the gifts I received is an apt portrait at least of whom others imagine I am. My young ones are scattered abroad so all items are imported, as fitting a horror snob. From the Great White North come a set of skull shot glasses is posed here with last year’s crystal skull of vodka and a couple creepy novels — Silver by Rhiannon Held and Something Red: A Novel by Douglas Nicholas, likely purchased at Toronto’s justly famous Bakka bookstore. My son’s family have moved temporarily to Poland so I also received a spectacular Polish language art book about Bruno Schultz and his contemporaries — the nightmarish images need little translation — and a pin-up calendar from Lindner, a Polish coffin manufacturer. Yup, sex and death, like chocolate and peanut butter, two great preoccupations that taste great together. Its imagery is NSFW so I only show the cover. I suspect it tells too much about me if I admit I am more interested in the intricate carvings on these hand-made corpse-carriers than I am in the air-brushed beauties draped across them. An unexpected bonus was the casket shaped keychain that accompanied the calendar.

All of us at the DailyNightmare hope your holidays passed with minimal bloodshed and maximal blessing.

Categories
Christmas Events Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers Movies

Holiday Horror Party

Last Saturday night, a dozen folks from the Great Lake Association of Horror Writers gathered for our annual holiday party of eggnog, finger food (which Elsa took a bit TOO seriously) and holiday themed horror movies. There are many to choose from and this year’s selection was Rare Exports (2010), The GingerDead Man (2005) and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part Two. An awesome assemblage.

My thoughts on the delightful Rare Exports are already known and it was fun to watch the film again. Notable highlights for this crowd were our horrifying ignorance of world geography, the revelation that folks above the Arctic Circle subsist entirely on reindeer meat and gingerbread and of course, the anatomically correct monsters. Ah yes, the Europeans. Rare Exports is hardly a “bad” movie so it was somewhat difficult to ridicule — but this crowd certainly rose to the challenge.

The GingerDead Man was far easier to supplement with witty commentary. From what I was able to figure out, it is a heart warming tale of a family-owned bakery threatened by a chain store… and then more directly threatened by an animated gingerbread man. SPOILER: it sucks — but in that charming bad movie kind of suckage. Our refrain became: And exactly why aren’t you leaving the bakery right now? This tale of baked goods gone bad, er, evil was a perfect stinker.

But the highlight of the evening, for me at least, was Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2. By this point in the evening, the crowd was warmed up and raucous so the actual dialogue was difficult to piece out. Assessed as a purely visual document, the work is superb experimental cinema if for no other reasons that the bold acting choices of the spree killer protagonist and the work’s extremely avant-garde story structure. Actor Eric Freeman brilliantly interprets the rigorously non-psychological lead character in an act of pure performance. In particular, Freeman punctuates his lines with a highly mannered, post-semiotic semaphore of eyebrow gestures, often animating every syllable with a separate flick of his brow. The effect is unnerving and erects a portrayal of the unhinged murderer in a way that never resorts to simplistic realism. I checked wikipedia for Freeman’s later work but his whereabouts is listed as unknown. A pity.
Even surpassing Eric Freeman’s tour de force performance is the daring narrative structure of Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2. The work forsakes a pedestrian linear narrative, going beyond traditional non-linear tropes to what I would dub an “anti-linear” story structure. This brief post can hardly do adequate justice to its innovation. For the first 50 minutes of the film, the younger brother of the original spree killer recounts the events of the first movie to a psychologist. These incidents are illustrated through scenes purporting to be flashbacks to the first film. If this was a work of psychological realism, we might be tempted to ask why Billy is able to have such detailed memories of events he didn’t witness. This apparent conundrum can only be resolved when these “flashbacks” are read as purely dissociated psychotic fantasies; that is, read Part 2 as is Part 1 didn’t exist. The key to this interpretation involves a sequence where two policemen are called in to apprehend a man dressed like Santa, presumably the Santa killer but who turns out to be a father dressing up for his kids. The only possible explanation for this scene given the wrap-around situation of Billy narrating to a psychologist, is that this whole event is a deranged fantasy, specifically a psychotic power projection. Step aside, Hitchcock; Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is truly psycho.

Elsa and I left warmed as much by the fond friendship and clever repartee as by the glow of the plasma TV — but I’ve come to expect such merriment from the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers. Given the staggering number of scary films with holiday themes, I can only wonder what horrors will await us at next year’s party.

Categories
Christmas Food

Haunted Gingerbread Houses

Gingerbread + Ghosts = this cool haunted gingerbread house!

http://www.haunteddimensions.raykeim.com/index500.html

These plans come from the Haunted Dimensions website which the Good Doktor has profiled before. They make fantastic papercraft models of the Haunted House Attractions at the various Disneyworldlands.

But here, the plans are deliciously transformed to gingerbread. Looking for a way to fuse horror and the holidays? Try buttercream frosting!

Categories
Christmas Elsa Food Halloween Party

Horrific Snacks: Pinhead Cheeseball and Severed Fingers

When the Doktor announced an upcoming party, I was excited at the prospect. I enjoy a social outing as much as the next consort, and the fact that this was a Christmas gathering of the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers meant some stops could be pulled in the creepy-creative snack department. I surveyed the possibilities on Pinterest to get some general ideas. We wanted to bring scary but not cringe-inducing hors d’oeuvres. Delicious snacks were just as important as a pleasing presentation.


Finger food caught my eye– specifically the mini hot dogs made to look like fingers. Some might feel the final products looked too much like digits, but to me they were a little less life-like than I’d hoped. I made several samples for the Doktor to test. Style A won the presentation contest, so a plateful accompanied us to the party.

Our other contribution was born whole from the Doktor’s mind. Upon his request, I did researched but could not find any instance where someone had previously made a Pinhead Cheese Ball. You might recognize Pinhead as one of the cenobites from the The Hellraiser Collection (III: Hell on Earth / IV: Bloodline / V: Inferno / VI: Hellseeker / VII: Deader / VIII: Hellworld) series; he’s a scary bad-ass character. The Doktor had a vision of a cheese block head with toothpicks replacing the afore-mentioned pins.

We set about rectifying this omission using a tried and true cheese ball recipe from our files. I purchased a Welch cheddar which I knew would provide a satisfying taste as well as the requisite pale complexion. Should you plan to make your own Pinhead cheese ball for an upcoming holiday gathering, be sure to do as I did and start the recipe early in the day; the cheeses need to come to room temperature to be combined easily and then well-chilled to give the cheese time to set up and the flavors a chance to mingle.

See the recipes below for preparation details. Feel free to comment or ask questions if they should arise.

************************

Pinhead Cheese Ball
an original

Ingredients:
4 ounces cream cheese
8 ounces sharp white cheddar, shredded
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
½ teaspoon salt

Have cheeses at room temperature at the start. Combine ingredients in a bowl. Mix well.

Form into a ball, then wrap in cling wrap. Place on a plate so that you get a flat stable surface for the back of the head. Begin to shape the ball into a face. I chilled our cheese ball head for an hour, and then shaped some more, and returned the cheese to the refrigerator for a couple more hours.

Before serving, I scored the cheese head with vertical and horizontal lines, like Pinhead has. I placed toothpicks at the junction of the lines. The effect was pleasing overall, and our cheese ball was immediately recognized as Pinhead by the party guests.

Baked Finger Food Hor d’oeuvres
Just a bit of fussing needed for satisfactory results

1 package of mini hot dogs (contains about 40)
1 package of Pillsbury seamless dough sheets (crescents would work fine, if need be)
1 white onion

Cut the onion into small pieces, about ½ x ½ and slightly wedge-shaped.

Cut a small slice off one end of each hot dog to serve as the “nail.” Make a little cut lengthwise into the hot dog to seat the end of the onion piece.

Make several small slices about half way down; that will be the knuckle.

Cut the dough sheets into a ¾ inch strip. Wrap the base of each mini dog with a layer of dough and place carefully on an ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake at 350F for about 10-12 minutes until golden brown.

Oh, and it was a wonderful party, complete with good food and holiday-themed horror movies!

Categories
Christmas

My Xmas Haul

My Christmas gifts are a suitable self-portrait: a crystal skull of vodka, an obscure horror novel, imported moustache combs and a drinking vessel from University of Toronto – Slitherin College where my beloved daughter attends. All of us at the DailyNightmare hope your holidays passed with minimal bloodshed and maximal blessing.

Categories
Christmas Movies

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #9 — The Martians

Mars might need women but it also needs Santa, at least according to the 1964 special Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. To be fair, the martians in this classic tale aren’t really all that monstrous, though a case could be made for the mean spirited Volmar. Second string bad-guys include a polar bear that looks like a reanimated rug, and maybe Torg, the martians’ robot that appears to be made of paint cans and cardboard boxes spray-painted silver. The real reason why they collectively appear on this list of the Ten Best Christmas Monsters is because “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is quite likely the most horrifyingly weird Xmas special there is– simply a must see.

Too many snobs misread SCCTM as being simply “bad.” It is rated obscenely low on the IMDB and frequently makes lists of the worst films of all time. Mystery Science Theatre mocked it – an honor of it own, sort of. Yet, and I say this as a snob myself, many of these same critics ooo and ahhh over the style of Mad Men and camp of the Pee Wee Herman’s Christmas Special. “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” should be seen squarely in the context of those two works.

But make no mistake, there’s something seriously weird about SCCTM. Certain elements of society are extrapolated as in normal speculative fiction but here, they’re just strange. For instance there is a critique of automation that now some fifty years later appears quaint if not bizarre. The low budget production for the most part enhances this effect from the curious face paint of the martians to the set dressing of the martian spaceship. What the HECK is a “radar box???” Sure, you could go insane while contemplating the words of Lovecraft’s forbidden tomes — or you could pop in a video of SCCTM for a similar brain scramble.

But for the record we should go through the checklist. Are they monsters? Well, they’re definitely not human. And since they kidnap Santa Claus, the martians can be considered antagonists of Christmas, even though I suppose they’re more concerned with importing than eradicating the practice. But it’s mostly the work as a whole that earned the martians from “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” slot 9 on the DailyNightmare’s Ten Best Christmas Monsters.

Categories
Christmas

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #10 – Heat Miser and Snow Miser

What would the holidays be without familial discord? The patron monsters for dysfunctional families are perhaps best represented by Heat Miser and Snow Miser from the 1974 Rankin and Bass animated special The Year Without a Santa Claus. The bone of contention between these brothers, as I recall is the classic assertion that Momma loved you best — in this case Mother Nature. The pair get points just for raising the suspicion that family get-togethers might not be the best prototype of peace on earth.

Be they monsters? They’re not human at least. Heat Miser and Snow Miser are elemental forces, lightly personified and given quaint powers representative of those elements.

But granted, they’re among the lowest sorts of monster for a couple reasons, hence their low standing on this list. First, the havoc they wreck for the most part is mostly directed at each other. They aren’t primarily concerned with general mayhem – they’re maybe more “gothic” than “horrific.” Furthermore, they seem all too eager to set aside the differences that made them monstrous in the first place. For that matter, it’s a bit difficult for me to believe that such a primal disagreement could be resolved so handily within the context of a 48 minute TV show. I’m to believe that Christmas is the time of miracles, I guess.

Still for presenting a plausible depiction of sibling rivalry writ larger than (human) life, we at the DailyNightmare.com salute Heat Miser and Snow Miser as the #10 Best Xmas Monsters–if they can share the spot without fighting.

Categories
Christmas

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #6 – The Abominable Snowman

Step aside sasquatch; yield pride of place all ye yeti. Who’s the most beloved Christmas monster? Based on the messages I’ve received since I started these posts, it’s the Abominable Snowman from the classic stop motion special Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.

And what’s not to love? The Abominable is massive, furry — almost cuddly — and has teeth larger than many of the other major characters’ whole bodies. Its appearance onscreen inspires a blast of ominous horn in the soundtrack and it even makes the Burl Ives shiver in fear. Ponder that for an instant: a shivering snowman.

Abominable is an ideal antagonist, perfectly knitted into the narrative too. Not only does it kidnap Rudolf’s parents and love interest Clarice, this monster also allows Herbie to show off his amateur dentistry and Yukon Cornelius to add bravery to his bravado. If the Abominable Snowman didn’t exist, it would have been necessary to invent it, just to resolve so many story elements.

But if “Bumble” is so popular, why does isn’t it in the number one slot. Two words: character arc. By the end of the story, the Abominable Snowman is hardly abominable. No longer destructive, fully domesticated.

I am still soft at heart however for the Abominable. We’re led to believe its rage was caused by a bad toothache and with that existential pain relieved, its heart is fully repentant. But I remain hopeful that its misanthropy (mis-elf-opy?) was merely thwarted by dental surgery and that secretly the Abominable Snowman dreams of squashing elves flat under his hairy feet, like cockroaches perhaps while humming a yuletide arrangement of La Curcoracha. We can dream, can’t we?

For inspiring nightmares in so many children, we at the DailyNighmare award the Abominable Snowman place #6 in the Top Ten Best Christmas Monsters.

Categories
"What We Fear" Christmas

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #8 – The Angels

“The Angels” – Forget for a moment, those chubby cheeked cherbubim from the dime-store Xmas cards. Also erase the Renaissance puti, those cute winged baby heads… though frankly the thought of winged baby heads gives me the shivers. And even depictions of seraphim that we’ve grown accustomed to are too anthropomorphic and beautiful. Angels were bad-ass. These other worldly messengers are far closer to Christopher Walken’s character in The Prophecy than those feel-good bundles of fluff and hence they fit perfectly on this list of the Ten Best Christmas Monsters.

How dare I assert this?

Monsters for the purpose of this list are scary or threatening, non-humans beings.

Non-human? Check. Don’t get me started on the idea that dead people turn into angels when they die…

Threatening? Well, one of the original Christmas stories describes angels appearing to a group of shepherds and those shepherd were scared out of their wits. The first “message” that the angels had to deliver is a bit of crowd soothing. “Fear not.” This injunction suggests that the shepherds’ first reaction was to be afraid.

Shepherds have also been nerfed a bit through a couple millennia of metaphoric over-usage. Most of us have little association with real sheep, let alone career shepherds while we are inundated with sweet as spun sugar depictions of “the loving shepherd” made infamous by kitsch meisters like Holman Hunt. As I figure it, shepherds in first C Palestine were pretty rough and tumble. If chewing tobacco existed, they’d chew it. They had to be prepared to protect their flock against marauding beasts at midnight using little more than a crooked stick and a sling.

And when these angel things come along and these tough guys collapse. Imagine John Wayne weeping, and I mean the tough John Wayne like in a cowboy role not the bogus “Roman Solider at the Cross” gig he did — or am I the only one who saw that movie?

So for being non-human and scary… even if that terror is based on a misunderstanding, we at the DailyNightmare award #8 Best Christmas Monster to the Angels. Disagree? Add a comment.

Categories
Christmas Movies

“Rare Exports (2010)” – Xmas Movie for Dark Fantasy Snobs!

If you believe that Christmas, like youth, is wasted on the young then “Rare Exports” is a film you must see. Elsa and I caught it last night at the historic Michigan Theatre in Ann Arbor and though there are a couple more showings today, I suspect “Rare Exports” is destined to become a holiday classic especially among fans of snobbish, dark fantasy.

The setup? An excavation team discovers the resting place of Santa Claus deep within an icy Finnish mountain but Santa ain’t the jolly old soul you might expect. “Rare Exports” is told through the perspective of Pietaari, a young Finn who is just old enough to start questioning the existence of the red suited holiday gift man. At its root, “Rare Exports” is Pietaari’s coming of age tale, where he sets aside his stuffed animal companion to perform an act of heroism that he is still child enough to accomplish. It’s also a father-son story that doesn’t get mushy. The world depicted, in fact, is harsh with no women and little possibility for forgiveness, grace or redemption — but for crying out loud don’t we get enough of that stuff this time of year?

I can’t see how the film warrants an “R” rating — apart from the terrifying elves (complete with full frontal male nudity,) the slaughter and butchery of reindeer and the mid-twisting revelation of Santa’s true being. And a bit of naughty language. “Rare Exports” is not a horror movie by any stretch, more dark contemporary fantasy told with enough wit to keep it amusing. And since much of the dialogue is in Finnish, the mere presence of subtitles earn it high marks on the snob-o-meter. The scenery is gorgeous, well worth seeing on a big screen, even if the big screen also makes the CG look a bit rough. Honestly though, if you’re going to fault a film as inventive as “Rare Exports” for not-so-special effects then you’re simply NOT in the holiday spirit.

Treat yourself this Yuletide season and remember the REAL Santa with “Rare Exports” — and ditch the kids at home with the X-box and the internet.

Categories
Book Christmas

Krampus: The Devil of Christmas by Monte Beauchamp

If our salute to Krampus the other day (Best Christmas Monster #2) whetted your appetite for the creepy Germanic holiday figure, let me highly recommend Krampus: The Devil of Christmas by Monte Beauchamp (Last Gasp, San Francisco: 2010)

This handsome hardbound artbook reproduces a couple hundred Krampus post cards largely from the late 1890’s to WWI in lovingly lurid color. A few pages of text set the stage for these artifacts but the real treasure is to be found in these illustrations. I use the word “treasure” specifically because opening the covers of this volume is like swinging open a lockbox that reveals wonders that had been secreted away from a different time, a different place.

Krampus is shown in all his cloven-hoof, tongue-wagging glory depicted through a wide variety of styles. For those of us who have grown a bit tired of the smooth vector graphics of contemporary design, these portraits are a revelation. In the least, they provide a potent antidote for Currier and Ives. Some are playful and some are quite horrific. My buddy Igor exclaimed “I’m going to have nightmares to night!’ after perusing the volume. It didn’t keep him from examining every page, however.

The perspective on the Yuletide season shown in these pictures is also alluringly alien to the sanitized Protestant Christmas I was raised to know. Beauchamp accounts for the North American “jollification” of St. Nick in his introductory notes. The volume is complete with a small bibliography of more Krampus-related works.

As a work definitely not intended for children of any age, we recommend again, Krampus: The Devil of Christmas.

Categories
Christmas

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #2 – Krampus

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: Number 2 – Krampus

December 5th is the feast of St. Nickolaus and according to tradition in some parts of the world, on this day, the good saint is allowed to come back to earth with presents to reward “the good.” And he doesn’t come back alone. In different parts of Europe, St Nick is accompanied by various other figures, usually folks charged with punishing the not-so good. Fitting with our theme of Christmas monsters, may I direct our attention to everyone’s favorite Swiss mountain troll, Krampus.

Krampus is a folk traditon that stretches back a least a couple centuries. Krampus is an immense, horned beast, often wearing chains that St Nick unleashes, and a wicker basket to steal away wicked little children. Americans would have little problem describing Krampus as a demon but our European neighbors have a more nuanced and subtle taxonomy of such creatures. A more standard prop is a scourge of branches that Krampus uses to swat young maidens on their behinds, though I gather in recent years that practice is on the decline.

During the “Krampuslauf” — literally “the running of the Krampus” — a lovely demented Christmas parade — a horde of Krampus runs through small German towns terrifying children and thus inspiring obedience. St. Nick strolls along behind wearing the mitre of a pope and dispenses presents to the kids that Krampus hasn’t whisked away. No, I’m not kidding:


KrampusLauf

Another KrampusLauf

Krampus is just about the best Christmas monster there is, in our humble opinion. Krampus is definitely non-human as evidenced by its long horns, often dangling red tongue and cloven hooves. Krampus is scary, but also a bit playfully disruptive in that sense of carnival. Krampus’ job is to be terrifying and nothing dissuades it from this task, no act-three conversion or mushy sentimentality. And as a monster that stays monstrous, we at the DailyNightmare.com salute Krampus as one of the Ten Best Christmas Monsters.

Categories
Art Blog Christmas

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: #7 – The Grinch

What’s not to like about a day called “Black Friday?” Since such an ominously titled day kicks off the Christmas season, we at the DailyNightmare celebrate with Ten Christmas Monsters.

And as fitting with out snobbish nature, we’re being stickers. By “monster” we’re going all out anthropocentric here and restricting the list to mean non-human. This definition excludes such fine X-mas villains like Volksfrei fanatic Hans Gruber, crabby plutocrat Mr Potter, and even the serial killer from the original slasher film “Black Christmas (1974)” Heck even the White Witch from Narnia who somehow arranged for it to be always winter and never Christmas is human enough not to make the guest list. Evil they were undoubtedly but “monsters” only metaphorically. Honorable mentions however will be handed out along the way for holiday evil in a human shape.

Expect posts about each of the ten Christmas monsters to pop up this month periodically and then, Christmas morning, all of them will be tied together in one mondo long post, for the enjoyment of children naughty, nice and indifferent. It’s an ordered list so it’s building to number one… but for logistical reasons, the monsters will be revealed out of order. Perhaps those logistics will make a bit more sense on Dec 5th.

— What’s YOUR favorite Christmas monster? —

Ten Best Christmas Monsters: Monster Number 7 – The Grinch

Monster? Yes, the Grinch was deliciously non-human as all of Seuss’ best creations were. His deformities went through and through, too. Green skin, odd number of digits, lamentable hair and eyebrows were all external manifestations of inner turmoil and resentment of other folks’ joy. I’m sure the Germans have a word for the Grinch’s condition.

The Grinch was also monstrous because he was depicted as sui generis. Where did he come from, not just as a creature but as a psyche? It’s not like he was really just a mean spirited Hoo. He was a different kind of creature altogether. His reclusiveness had an understandable, ontological basis if not one rooted in the cruel exclusions of a Hooville society intent on normalization and homogeneity. Not buying it? In the least, the Grinch was a mutant since according to the tale, he had a heart condition — specifically, it’s two sizes two small. Seems Doktor Frankenstein could have helped him here.

The Grinch was made legendary with the 1966 animated program “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” (Let us not speak here of the abomination that is the Jim Carrey remake of 2000) The monster was voiced expertly by Boris Karloff, a name synonymous with cinematic horror from Frankenstein’s Monster to Ardeth Bey.

If the Grinch is such a wonderful monster, why does he rank relatively low on the scale? Alas, the Grinch does not stay monstrous. His character arc through the tale has him develop away from being a monster. In a way, that monster-thing was just a phase he grew out of. We imagine that in the sequel, the Grinch has moved into a townhouse in the newest subdivision of Hooville and perhaps works at a crossing guard and not even a creepy crossing guard. We suspect he might even have a cardigan with patches on the elbows. A scary prospect indeed, but not technically monstrous.

Still for letting his bad self out, we at the DailyNightmare.com salute the Grinch as one of the Ten Best Christmas Monsters.